if my love isn’t enough for you

then you can go fuck yourself.

did i not do enough?

i did everything you asked me to, i cut down on smoking, my temper reduced, i stopped smoking so much weed, i got my head cleared up, i did everything i could already, whenever you were upset or angry at me for no reason i still tried my best to smile and not say anything, i’ve done everything i could, how could it not be enough?

you always told me how much you loved me and how i was that girl for you, was i just a joke, were you lying or do you just blow shit out yours ass to girls all the time? i don’t trust a single thing you’ve said up until this point and for all i know i was probably just some dumb seventeen year old bitch you could fuck around to you until she went back to australia.

you said we’d be fine? look at us, we’re not even talking right now, you said you’d be there, but right now i have close to no one and you don’t even give a shit. you said you’d be fine without anyone? why break up then, if i’m over here, and we can’t do anything and you don’t want anyone and just to get your life together, why break up then? not because of distance, because you probably fell out of love for me god knows how long ago or never even did feel that way.

for all i know, you’re a fucking liar, i don’t believe you at all.
but then again, you never treated me that great half the time anyway.

well i’m sick of fucking saying sorry.
i have nothing to be sorry about except i met you.
so you know what?

i’m going to go places, i’ve got even more of an edge now than i ever felt than we were together, i’m going to get myself together, i’m going to make money, i’m going to be able to travel when the fuck i want and when i can, i’m going to fly where ever you are and tell you to go fuck yourself because i’m great, i can admit i’m an amazing girlfriend, i did everything you ever wanted me to, i did more than that, i gave you literally everything i could and i was more than fair to you.

you’ll miss me eventually.
and i’ll always miss you as much as i hate you.

but when i go far, just know it could’ve been, you’ve could’ve been happy with me, we could’ve worked out if you just gave me six short little months. but instead you can’t even do that for me when i can just blow three grand and leave everything for three months. so i’m going to live my life, i’m going to be happy as fuck with some other girl in this big city and never think about you again, i’m going to make money and go somewhere, and one day when i’m high up on that stage and i have thousands of people cheering me on, i’m going to play them a song i wrote for you.

of how much i fucking hate you.

fuck. you. bitch.

ihateyouihateyouihateyouiloveyouihateyouihateyouihateyou.

get out of head and my life. please.

you’ve caused me enough fucking trouble, just let me at least sleep.

i hate distance.

fuck you distance for seperating me ten thousand miles away from her, so far away she can’t take it anymore. fuck you. i’ve lost the one person i could honestly say i was in love with properly and actually had something solid with. i loved and love her, and it could’ve been everything we talked about and perfect.

i hate you too though, you promised me this would be fine, we’d be fine, it’d turn out better, you told me you loved me less than a day ago and in less than a day you change your mind like you always do. you made me fall so in love with you, i dropped everything to go see you and then with less than a day, it’s like you’re completely a different person and we’ve never even met.

i thought you’d always be there for me, but when i need someone most, you’re not here, you never are. you said we’d be fine, you didn’t even cry as much as i did before i left, you said you’d love me always, and now you can’t even say if you even care about me. you said i was your fiance, i believed you, i actually trusted you on a few occasions.

i hate you so much, i love you so much.
i love you so much that i fucking hate you.

i said i didn’t regret it at all, but i wish i never met that one girl for me so i could never know what being so happy meant.

i was complete before, or i thought, you either just lied to me, or knew this was going to happen or everything you’ve said meant nothing to you and now it means nothing to me.

i hate you so much.
i thought it was distance that i hated, but it’s you.
you made me believe and feel again and got my hopes up just to knock me down.
i hate you.

i wish i never met you.

just want that one more chance to hold you close.

since i posted so much cheesy shit already.

wouldn’t hurt if i posted one more thing.
i’ve got a few days left with the girl of my dreams and i gotta say, even thought we fought a fair bit, the past three months have been the most amazing thing i’ve ever experienced. to be honest, i don’t even want to go back to sydney, i’m quiet content staying here next to her, forever in america, i honestly wouldn’t mind that at all.

i’ve had such a fucking mindblowing time whenever i’m with her in these past few months, even if we’re just sitting next to each other, watching dry humored youtube videos, driving around, or even just kissing her everynight before she falls asleep next to me with my arms around her.. until i wriggle too much and she shoves me off.

i guess all i’m trying to say is, i love you erin, i know i say that a lot but it’s never enough, and it’ll never compare to how i actually feel about you. you’ve made me one of the happiest people alive and one of the luckiest, i know the next nine months i’m gone will be rough, and i know it’ll suck waiting for me but just know if you do, i’ll always come back to you. i’ll never find someone else like you, and i’ll never care about anyone as much as you either.

i’ll always love you.